You found yourself in an ocean, water everywhere, you are struggling to live
Every person you know doing the same
All the people going in a direction with a hope to find a shore
You get feeling that the opposite direction could have a shore but with no surety
Or with all the people you love on the wrong path
What Will You Do?
This is a story of a boy born in a war torn area. The first thing he ever learned was that the foreign army killed his parents. In that area, as soon as the grip of a child gets firm, he is handed with the labor tools or military armaments. He was destined to hold the armaments, till he dies or kill every last enemy. Isolated from the world, people here knew only one thing that both surrounding nations want to acquire their state for political influence. This state suffered major causality of the war between those two big nations; hence people here hated both neighbors. The kid, with all the other kids was being trained to become a part of their revolution. While growing up he witnessed infinite deaths.While getting transformed from teen to adult, his fingers started to tremble while holding guns. He started to feel that killing humans could be a wrong thing for humans. But his feelings being a counter to all the philosophies and mythologies he ever learned, he dominated his emotions. His uncle and his family, guardians of the kid, always expected that the kid will take revenge of his family and his people. That could be the only reason his uncle used to keep him like a son, the kid started to think. This gave the kid more power to control his feelings.
After long day of training, at night, in the deep darkness, his instincts used to take over his mind. Forcing him to use his own mind to judge what is right and good and what is wrong and bad. He always lost his consciousness and fell asleep before getting to a conclusion. His training was almost done and he was selected for executing a key plan. After realizing that the aim of the project was to deliver a message by killing hundreds of people, his heart got heavy filled with grievous sorrow. He realized that it was the time when he needed to find what was right and act according to it. His hours of sleep reduced dramatically. He was swinging like a pendulum between his two options. To continue what he was bound to do, or to take a stand on something no one has ever thought of. After a long stretch he realized that he was going to depart for his mission soon and his heart was already in the court against violence. While reviewing his stand, he realized that he had no proof that his instinct were in the right direction. Even if he stood for his emotions, he would end up hurting his family and his committee. Every person he knows would consider him as a coward. He took side of the enemies who killed his parents, just because he is scared, that’s what people will talk about him, he thought.
He could either kill people who mean nothing to him or hurt the people he knew and spent his whole life with. Even if he proceeds according to the plan his masters has set, he knew he could get killed. But his death would be considered as an act of courage. And if refuses to go on the board, he could live a long life, but he would considered as a coward and a shame on his community. No one would understand what his ideas are, no one would talk to him, he would be excluded from the society, and he would never watch people straight in their eyes. And he realized that he couldn’t find peace by hurting his own people. Reconsidering all possible possibilities, he preferred not to share his feelings with anyone and be the part of the thing going on.
It was the day of the execution. He was on the foreign land; it was the place where he was going to shed blood to send a message. Before taking his gun out in his hands, he was observing the people who had no idea that they were going to die. In the next moment he realized that he was going to die with them, he felt a vacuum in his chest, like his heart has been taken away. Following his leader’s orders, he took his gun and started firing on the people. He didn’t count how many bullets he fired and how many people he killed.
After a while, foreign people came with their armory to kill him, he got shot and fell on the ground. He always thought that he would feel unbearable pain and will die due to that pain. But he couldn’t feel anything, he was feeling like after a long day he is about to sleep, same thoughts started in his mind. He was not ashamed of anything. Just thinking, thinking that he failed to live and failed to die. He was dying without getting the answers to questions. Why did he experience the urge to ask the questions! His life and his death would be so good if he didn’t realize that killing was wrong. Or he could be living by his own ways if he didn’t realize what his people would think of him after his rejection to the plan. Or at least he could have died peacefully like other humans die, if he didn’t know that he was going to die.